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Top 5 Jokes about the London Underground Tube

BY Boon Koh
Published 9 March 2012

This week hasn’t been funny to London Underground commuters, with the announcement that all Tube staff will get a £850 bonus just for turning up for work during the Olympics. After lots of severe delays, disruptions, and broken trains over the last few weeks on the Jubilee and Circle lines, few commuters have a reason to laugh.

But that got me thinking about things about the London Underground that are funny – and so I thought I would compile a round-up of the top five jokes about the London Underground and funny announcements that you hear over the intercom system from the Tube drivers.

Here’s the list to keep you laughing on your Tube ride:

Why are Chelsea like the RMT? Two strikes have caused absolute misery in the Arsenal area

What’s the difference between an RMT member and a stopped clock? For two minutes a day, a stopped clock actually works.

What does an RMT member do after retiring? About the same as usual

During an extremely hot rush hour on the Central Line, the driver announced in a West Indian drawl: “step right this way for the sauna, ladies and gentleman…unfortunately towels are not provided”.

“Do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great time. The bad news is that there is a points failure somewhere between Stratford and East Ham, which means we probably won’t reach our destination.”

Do you have any other funny jokes about the London tube? Been using your time productively when your train is stuck on the tracks between two stations? Let us know your best London Undeground funnies in our comments section below!